Failproof Ways To Be Popular, I Hate This Job
by a puzzling conundrum
Summary: [Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya x Revolutionary Girl Utena] On the topics of personal introductions and being a Rose Bride. Two crossover long drabbles, requested by Aelita. NOT meant to be taken seriously.


**Absolutely Failproof Ways To Be Popular**

Wakaba nearly couldn't contain herself from the excitement: tomorrow was the day when Utena was to be introduced into her class. Oh yes, she was definitely lucky: she happened to be the first person that the new student met on campus, and they already became friends! Well, she wasn't sure if Utena knew about this: but she sure would be convinced about it soon enough. After all, Utena was so _awesome! _And sure enough, her classmates would agree on that.

She didn't hesitate to inform them that they're going to have a new student in their class, and that the aforementioned student is _her best friend_, just so they knew. She noticed a look of skepticism on their faces: but obviously, it was just envy. The fact that tomorrow they'll be fighting over the opportunity to ask Wakaba who their new arrival was enough of a gratification for her

* * *

She led Utena to the classroom, following suit after her and beaming with pride. Her friend stood under the blackboard, the teacher glancing at her from behind the desk . Wakaba took her place in the second row - right after greeting Utena discreetly, yet in a manner that could make no one doubt They Know Each Other Well. She noticed that some of her classmates eyed her friend's uniform suspiciously, then cast glances at her, the expressions on their faces showing both surprise and curiosity. She straightened in her seat, beaming with pride and waiting anxiously for the introduction.

The teacher stood up from her desk, coughed visibly - most likely appalled by the fact Utena was wearing a male uniform - corrected the collar of her shirt, coughed again, then finally started speaking:

"We're going to have a new student in our class." she stated, wincing a little when she glanced at the uniform again. "So, Tenjou, would you please introduce yourself..." she said, motioning towards the girl.

"My name is Utena Tenjou." she announced cheerfully. "I am not interested in ordinary people. If anyone here is a prince, come to me!" she added, as though it was the most normal thing in the world.

In the unsettling silence that followed (completed by the utterly confused glances her classmates gave her) Wakaba could almost hear her hopes for popularity crash and burn.

* * *

**I Hate This Job**

Soon enough, Kyon came to the conclusion that being a Rose Bride really, _really_ sucked.

Maybe he could even stand the utterly ridiculous outfit (which for some reason was uncomfortably tight-fitting) and the fact he had to wander around cryptically through the school's greenhouse for some unknown reason. What was _really_ problematic was the fact that he regularly had to mutter lines about "belonging to his master" - and the fact this "belonging" thing didn't end on merely muttering said lines.

Taking into account the fact that Haruhi treated her Rose Bride like her personal slave (the memory of the all-nighter he pulled to write her an essay on quantum physics for class traumatized him to this day), this duelling thing wasn't even so bad. He just had to endure that impossibly symbolic and disturbing sword pulling: afterwards he could enjoy an unusually long period of peace, as Haruhi apparently liked to extend it by preceding every fight with a long speech glorifying her own superiority.

That enough almost made him feel sorry for her rivals.

There weren't any differences this time, either: he soon discovered that duels in general were rather monotonous. The surroundings, coincidentally, were rather monotonous as well. This time, sadly, he was forced to pretend that staring at his own legs was a very compelling activity for longer than usual. He briefly wondered why it took Haruhi so long to defeat her adversary this time - and after a while he realised that the clanging of swords abruptly stopped.

"Excuse me..." an educated-sounding voice suddenly resounded slightly too close to his ear. Startled, he turned around, only to see Itsuki smiling apologetically and holding the sword behind his back.

"...what?"

"I'm afraid I won." he said, raising his voice to make it audible over Haruhi's yelling, out of which Kyon could only make out something about losing on purpose and roses falling off by themselves.

He remained speechless.

"Wasn't there a speech you had to do, now?" Itsuki asked amiably, smiling a little.

Kyon sighed deeply, stood up and hoped his expression would only show an absolute lack of enthusiasm. "I am the Rose Bride. From this day onwards, I belong to you." he muttered, having already hoped he'd never have to utter this ridiculous phrase again.

"Well then," the boy asked, an irritating grin on his face "shall we go? I have a few things you could help me with, I suppose." he added, sticking out his elbow in an exaggerated manner.

Not being left with much choice, Kyon reluctantly linked his arm with Itsuki's and sighed once again, wondering how enraged Haruhi must have been at this moment. "What kind of... things?"

"Polishing my sword, for example." Itsuki replied, then chuckled, as though what he just said was extremely amusing.

Kyon never wished so much that his life wasn't so full of creepy symbolism.

_Author's notes: This crossover was, more than anything, an idea I played with - Aelita's request forced me to make it more tangible, though. I admit I had fun writing these two drabbles: I'm not really fond of the "usual" crossover of characters, though. Messing around with the settings is much more fun. I'm not too satisfied with the first one, sadly. I hope the fact it was my first time writing Utena will serve as a justification. _


End file.
